Loyalty is a very difficult thing to think about. It's not a concrete object that can be given and taken away and yet people constanly give and take it. Like "love" it is an important gift from a person. I have been told many times that I am a very loyal friend. I view my loyalty something like this;
I meet a new person who becomes a friend, co-worker, aquantance, or however you view them and I automatically give a degree of loyalty to them. I would call it initailly respect. I do not automatically hate a person for no reason and thus I respect them as a human being and person, therefore, I give them my loyalty. At this point it is like a seed. If the relationship with that person does not grow the seed remains a seed. If the relationship is abandoned and it was a chance encounter then the seed is discarded. However if there are multiple encounters and the relationship grows then so does the loyalty. On the other hand if the relationship grows negatively then the seed produces thorns.
This has been on my mind lately on two occasions. The first was a person whom I believed the seed had blossomed into a flurishing plant only to have that person attack it with a chain saw. After about five years of friendship the person called me a liar and disrespected me to my face, in front of my wife, and as the ripples from the altercation grew, to many of my friends. The loyalty I had once had for this person was one that I would have sacraficed time, money, and any other material thing to help this person out. For five years that loyalty had grown strong and as a "team", me and this person seemed to excell. But all it took was that one moment. The chain saw only took one swing and it was able to destroy the loyalty. Now growing in the place is pure emptiness. The relationship is gone to the way side and the seed is left vacant.
The second incident happened with a not so close person. She is my supervisor at work. Last Wednesday she had made comments to me that I was an unmotivated person that needed constant direction from others or I would slack off. So basically she had called me lazy. Now before this moment there wasn't a whole lot of growth from the loyalty seed. I respected her as an authority figure and thus did all that was asked of me. I even endulged her "fist bumps" when leaving work. (which she forced all memebers of our area to do even if we wished not to) The next day she came to me with my last months review and realized that I had actually produced 125% productivity. In previous months I had also recorded well over 100%. She then attempted to apologize in a light joking manner and went on her way as if everything was good. But it was too late. The seed had already produced thorns. For months I give my all to a company because I believe that because they pay me they deserve my best. Her ill informed judgement of me caused me to lose all respect and remove all loyalty from her.
So in hindsight I wonder to myself how is it "earned" back. If you betray someone, insult someone, or wrong someone, is it possible to recieve their loyalty and respect back?
For me I fear it is probably harder for people to earn back such respect. I can be polite to them to their faces, refuse to bad mouth them behind their backs, and even continue to work hard for them, (because it is the company and not the supervisor that pays me and thus the company still has my respect) but in time can I get over this pain of betrayal and forgive them to the point where I will trust them again? Many will tell me "yes, you just need to pray about it" or "sure, you just need to risk it". I suppose I would want someone to forgive me and give me back their loyalty but I am not dumb and don't assume that is done over night. Can time heal all wounds and bring things back around? Sure in time, but they will never be the same will they?
Ok well anyways thats what was on my mind and now its time to nap before work. Peace.
