Adversity

Have you ever felt there are people out there that want you to fail?  People who thirst to see you lose? Is there ever times where you feel what you are doing is right but there seems to be someone who just will not step out of the way so you can continue your path? 

Having adversity has to be one of the most difficult things for a Christian to deal with.  Some how in this modern day Christianity we get a feeling that life is supposed to be smooth and comfortable and if we are trying to do something and our progress gets halted for some reason we give up. 

I can recall back in college when our little church decided to start a basketball ministry.  We had a few of us that instantly fell in love with the idea and wanted to run with it.  There were a few others however that thought since we were a small church located in a very rural area that this would be a waste of funds and time.  We could have at that point just given up on the idea but we did not and we pressed on.  We rented a gym that seemed to be in a former elementary school that was being used as a preschool now. Needless to say if you walked in there you would be surprised to see grown men trying to play in this munchkin gym. 

At first we did not have very many people show up. This seemed to fuel the speculations that this was indeed a waste of time.  We did not give up but instead prayed harder and continued to show up Wednesday after Wednesday and watched as the ministry grew to around twenty guys.  It was such a blessing to be able to give kids something to do and a place to go where they could be influenced by Christians during competition and receive the Word after.

It is a shame but it seems as though anyone who is on a mission will always face adversity. Whether it is from enemies or even members of your own congregation there is always someone willing to shoot down your dreams.  As I continue to read through Nehemiah I see that he faced adversity early on in his mission.

“But when Sanballat the Horonite and Tobiah, the Ammonite servant, heard this, it displeased them greatly that someone had come to seek the welfare of the people of Israel.”  Neh. 2:10

There were antagonists back then as well.  These two people that were listed wouldn’t be the only adversity but they were the first and sadly they were on Nehemiah’s way to Jerusalem and not even involved with the mission.  Sanballat and Tobiah were upset that someone would come and see the welfare of Israelites.  It doesn’t specifically say why it was that they were unhappy with this but they must have made it known outwardly for Nehemiah to have taken notice and write about it later. 

So maybe you have dreams that others tell you would be worthless.  Maybe you have a passion to do something and you are hearing your friends, family, co-workers, congregation, or even strangers tell you that it isn’t worth the time.  If this desire is a true and good desire and you believe in your heart that it is worth attaining then don’t let anyone, no matter who it is, tell you that you can not do it.  Nehemiah had a passion to rebuild a ruined city and though confrontation occurred he continued and succeeded. Push on and press forward. Surround yourself with those who have the same goal and accomplish your dream.

Gloria! The Loss of an Angel

     Way back in 44 B.C. the Ides of March (March 15th) was a day that took a great leader, Julius Caesar.  Today it claimed the life of another less known but more important (in my life) leader. My grandmother Gloria Dineen has passed away from pneumonia this morning around 9am.  She was the matriarchal leader of the family on my mothers side. Her loss has impacted many people and I feel the need to just write about this beautiful woman of God. 
      When I was kicked out of my father's house in tenth grade I went to live with my mother who resided at my grandparents place.  Grandma immediately impacted my life in many ways. She was loving, caring, sweet, smart, and most of all religious. 
      
     Loving- Grandma would open her house to anyone who needed a place to stay. At the time when I needed a place to stay there were already seven people living in that small trailer.  Though it sounds like it would be a tight fit there seemed to be more space than anyone could need and Grandma's love made that small space feel like a true home.  There were always visitors and she made sure everyone was treated with love and respect when they walked in the door.  It meant so much to me that she would welcome me, a tough teenage boy with many issues, into her house and never complain that I was trouble and never once made me feel that I was unwanted.

     Caring- One image that will always stick in my head is seeing Grandma with her plastic bag full of yarn and a partially done blanket.  As soon as she heard someone was having a baby, was in need of some warmth, or falling ill near the end of their lives she was quick to get a blanket started.  She was so focused on getting them done that it seemed like as soon as she finished one there was another in the wings.  She was always so happy with those hooks in her hands.  She was so patient as well that she even took the time out of her day to teach me how to do it as well. Though I never could do the magic that she could I was always just so happy to try.  As odd as it may sound that crochet impacted a teenage boy, just watching her spread her love to others via something her hands made had a profound impact on my life.

     Sweet-  Many memories pop into my mind when I recall my grandma but one that sticks out is how she used to let my grandpa get scratch tickets.  Grandma was always the holder of money between the 2 of them so when we would have to stop and get gas in the van he would have to get the money from her.  She would always give him a twenty and he would get out and put gas in the van.  Most of the time he would only put eighteen dollars in and use the little bit left to get a lottery ticket.  She knew he did that but acted like she didn't know and would allow him to get them.  It would make me smile because my grandfather thought he was doing it secretly but she knew full well and had even said so on a few occasions and yet never got mad at him.  In the few years I spent living in that house I can't recall a time seeing my grandma angry.  Even when Thanksgiving came around she was there cooking dinner and making sure all her family would be full and happy.  She had six children and made sure that if they were coming there would be plenty of food for them, the kids, and anyone else who may join us. Images of her doing word search puzzles while the turkey is cooking will forever be in my mind.

     Smart- I'm not sure if there was ever a time where Grandma wasn't going through a book.  She just loved to read.  I think seeing her read so much helped encourage me to get involved in reading as well.  Though I can't say I gained the same interest in the genre that she was into (romance novels) I remember going into her room just to talk to her and she would be reading.  The romance novel companies can thank her for helping them brace through a recession.  She was always wanting to expand her mind through those books and also Jeopardy.  There weren't many nights that would go by where we didn't turn the TV on at 7pm. We would watch Wheel of Fortune (or wheel of torture as we referred to it when we were younger) and Jeopardy.  Grandma would know answers to questions that I as a high school student was amazed that anyone would know.  Her vast knowledge encouraged me through high school and college and drove me to want to learn more all the time.

     Religious- If there was ever one person I had to pick out as a major influence in my conversion it would be my Grandma.  Though I was rebellious at the age of 16 there was one thing I knew, Grandma is serious about God.  Though I can't say I wanted to go every Sunday, Grandma made sure I went.  We would all pack into the fifteen passenger van and go to church. She was faithful in doing her daily Bible reading and devotions through "Daily Bread".  Watching her take her religion so seriously caused me to step back and view my own opinions.  At the time I was an atheist and couldn't understand how a person could devote their lives to a God they can't see.  Through the few years living there it was refreshing to see her commitment to God.  Knowing that it wasn't easy being in the situations that she had gone through during her life that she would still hold fast to her God was empowering.  She had diabetes and lived in what many would consider a lower income situation and yet she never once questioned God.  If ever I had seen the perfect picture of Christ it was in my own Grandmother.  She loved God with every ounce of her heart.  She showed the love of God in all that she has done and I know for me and the rest of our family we will never forget her strength and love through Jesus.  She walked the faith she believed.  She loved her large family. She lived to provide and give to others without asking for anything in return. 

     Grandma, though I am well aware that you have left this earth and you can not read this, I hope that up in heaven God reveals to you how big of an impact you truly had on the people that you left behind.  I know that I am on the straight and narrow path because you examplified that life for me. Because you chose to love and welcome a troubled teen into your home and love me unconditionally.  You were a strong and wonderful woman of God and I hope that with your love inside of me I can become like you were. Enjoy your life in heaven and know when I die I will seek you out and give you the embrace I was unable to give you on this earth before you passed. I love you greatly and you will be forever missed.

Purpose (Gladiator inspired)

     Today I had on my mind the idea of purpose. I wrote 2 whole blogs ago about "the goal" but I started to think about the purpose of even being in the race.  I was watching Gladiator today and I couldn't help but put myself in the shoes of the main character, Maximus Meridius. He starts the movie fighting in wars for an "ideal" known to him as Rome.  He has never been to the city itself and as the movie later mentions is a Spaniard so the Rome he is fighting for isn't the literal location on a map.  He fights for what Rome stood for. A place much like America would later be viewed as, the "land where dreams come true".  He risked his life in hand to hand combat to fight for a nation he simply lived on the edges of, because he believed in what it stood for.  After the murder of his wife and son and the attempted murder of himself he then gets a new purpose for living, vengeance.  He endures slavery, many gladiator battles, and difficult living situations to get back at the new king who took everything from him and restore the dream that was Rome. In the end he dies accomplishing that dream. He kills Commodus and restores the power to the senate of Rome as Marcus Aurelius had wanted before his murder.  Those who read this and have watched this movie understand completely what I'm talking about.  The whole movie was based on one mans purpose in life.  And as I begin to think of other movies that I love I see that many have the same idea, a man fighting, sacrificing, and even sometimes dying for a purpose that he himself has deemed worthy.  i.e. The Patriot, The Bourne Identity, The Princess Bride, ect.
     On Saturday at roughly 4pm (one hour before I finish work) I looked around and saw that many people were just standing around doing nothing.  I began to think then, what is the purpose for them being here.  They have no loyalty to QVC so to speak other than a source of a pay check. And why am I there. I also would have to admit that i hold no allegiance to the company itself but use it as a pay check which will eventually help me achieve my dreams.  But when i take just a snap shot of my current situation and examine it from an outsider’s perspective I regret to say that one may think I have no purpose.  Honestly what purpose does a man, who picks shirts for people who are too lazy to go to a store and try them on, have in life? (Please don't think that how I view all the customers because I shop online often)
     When I first graduated high school I worked for a paper company and I will admit that I thought that was going to be my life.  I thought that most people just resign to the fact they will work their life away and then die. That was basically my goal. Then when it got shipped over seas I went to a ribbon and lace factory and again developed the same purpose. It wasn't until I went to college that I realized I could be bigger. It wasn't college itself or even the idea of having a degree that made me realize this but more so the realization that there is more to life than just myself and there are people out there that need help and I could be the one to aide them. 
     During college a few books came out by the same author with basically the same premise, so I refused to read them in part because I viewed it as a marketing ploy. "A Purpose Driven........."  Yes that’s right I opposed the purpose driven movement because I figured it wouldn't be long until the man printed "A Purpose Driven Pet".  But in retrospect I suppose that those books may have seemed valuable except for the fact that the people who had referenced those same books in conversation didn't seem to me to be people living with a purpose.
     As of late we have been discussing world views and such in church, I have been watching shows such as "Undercover Millionaire" or something like that and seen the reason people need to have a purpose beyond themselves.  Also stated in previous posts was that I was going through Nehemiah lately for daily devotionals.  These things have made me begin to question, what is my motivation and how do I make it action?
   
     "And I said, "O LORD God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open, to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel your servants, confessing the sins of the people of Israel, which we have sinned against you. Even I and my father's house have sinned.  We have acted very corruptly against you and have not kept the commandments, the statutes, and the rules that you commanded your servant Moses.  Remember the words that you commanded your servant Moses, saying, 'If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the peoples, but if you return to me and keep my commandments and do them, though your dispersed be under the farthest skies, I will gather them from there and bring them to the place that I have chosen, to make my name dwell there."

     I bolded some of the places that I thought were interesting.  Here is a man that is the cup bearer for the King and decides he wants to go back and fix the old city.  A man living in a palace, probably getting treated pretty well wants to go back to the slums of Judah and fix Jerusalem.  He has determined a purpose for that period in his life.  More importantly he equates himself with the rest of Gods people.  He has found a reason and purpose to fight. He puts himself as part of the people who have sinned against God though he was a generation or so removed from the original exile, he realizes that his bloodline has done wrong, and he aims to right the wrongs and restore Israel back to its rightful spot as the City of God. 
    For a while now my wife and I have questioned purpose as it pertains to churches in general.  Honestly as I view many churches all I see is a bunch of spectators sitting in pews paying 20 bucks a week for a message they don't always even listen to.  Is it tradition that keeps us in the pew? Is it that we are afraid of the ridicule from friends and family if we are not there Sunday morning? Or is it truly because we are part of a mission and we are purposed to see it through.  I'm sure we can all admit it’s not because we like to sit on old wooden furniture early Sunday mornings.
     A little while ago I felt I had purpose in my church, being that I helped with youth group.  Now that doesn't exist and I am just the power point button pusher once a month. (thank you Dan Francis for all the help learning that specific trade during class chapels) What is my purpose now? To make sure people have the right lyrics on the screen? Where can I be involved? Do we have outreach? Do I have to just do it by myself and be a maverick? So many questions arise mainly, "As part of a congregation what are our plans on the grand scheme of things?"
     So many churches have programs, classes, choirs, bands, and so on but how are we going to do what Nehemiah did? Stand strong in the face of a secular king and build the city of God.  When are we as a body going to show the world that the Bible has the answers to the world’s problems?  How to raise a family, how to manage money, how to run a government, and most of all how to exist are all answers found in scripture.  I purpose to be a part of the big picture, to encourage those around me to join in and begin to impact the community, the country, and the world.  (Not like Westboro Baptist Church which may be my next entry)
We are a body. It's time we stop sleeping and do some action, together, as one, with PURPOSE!

Reactions

Today I was reading in Nehemiah, (which may be a great name for a kid) and wondered to myself if maybe I react differently than this leader did.  I'm concentrating on the first four verses of the first chapter and mainly vs. 3-4.
    Here is a man that is chilling in the capital and meets up with his brother, Hanani, and begins asking about the old city. The news he gets seems quite disconcerting.
    "The remnant there in the province who had survived the exile is in great trouble and shame.  The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire." 
     That’s not the answer you would expect today when you ask about a former church. Most the time we simply say " they are alright".  I can't imagine what it would have been like if I asked my brother how life back in MA is and he said well those who remain are in trouble and there is basically no safety up there for those who life there.  My instincts would tell me that I need to get the remaining members of my family down here into the safety of Amish Paradise.  All that being said that wasn't the part of the passage that struck me the hardest. Look at vs. 4 for Nehemiah's reaction:
  
      "As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven."

     Really?!?! My first instincts would be action based.  Maybe I am a bit desensitized by today’s culture and I do not mourn as I should and if you ask my wife i do not even come anywhere close to weeping as much as one should.  My thoughts automatically become results based, I begin to look for a solution such as get the remaining people together and start building right away. Take out a loan, go to Lowes', fix the wall and get on with life.  I don't take much time to reflect on the situation before I begin to look to the future and what I think is best.
     Not Nehemiah though. He sat down, (which is action but doesn't seem the most productive avenue) wept and mourned for DAYS. I can't even imagine just weeping for one day. I figure life comes and goes, things of this world come and go, and I have an unfortunate ability to deny emotional attachment to a majority of things in life.  But here is a man that was so gripped by the pain of the words his brother spoke that for multiple days he mourned and wept. I would have to say that he is much more of a man that I at this point. 
     I wonder if there is any point in this current age where the actions that are going on around us would just tug at our hearts so much that it would send us into a time like Nehemiah felt then.  We have wars all over, violence everywhere, education systems lost, corrupt government, failing economy, and just all around pitiful place to live.  Somehow that doesn't spring forth any emotion from many of us.  It doesn't cause us to want to sit down and weep for days.
      Many of us do the last part of the sentence and pray. Prayer seems pretty easy for many of us.  What he does while he is praying on the other hand seems hard as well.  Fasting.  Fasting seems to be a practice that has slipped from the modern church.  Mainly I believe because it requires that we deny ourselves something for a period of time.  In the Bible this was done with food (which for me sounds like cruel and unusual punishment) but I believe it could be done with many things today.  We could deprive ourselves of the internet, television, video games, cell phones, pretty much anything that could hinder us from fully concentrating our minds on the issue at hand and discussing that issue with the all mighty Father.  I for one don't believe I have ever fasted on purpose. Sure I do days without the things listed above but not because I am trying to focus my mind on the issues of today’s world and ways God would want them fixed, but because I just don't have time for them in my busy schedule.
       I did not mean to demean the importance of prayer in this either.  It helps us understand that it isn't some humanitarian effort we are on, or some political agenda we are trying to fulfill, but rather gives us communication with the One who created the world and knows how He wants it to be.  And sadly how we are living right now is far from how He wants it to be.  Right now though we are comfortable sitting in our pews, singing chorus', and letting the world run itself.  When will we take back the world and run it with peace and love the way God designed it to be? After we realize the depravity, it hits our hearts hard enough to make us weep for days, and we honestly and earnestly seek the answers on how to do it properly. 
    Nehemiah was a wise man. Lets all learn something from him. 

The Goal

     As I did a Bible reading today I began to think about the idea of a race. Maybe it's the hopeful onset of spring and the grand idea that I will actually get out and start losing weight or the feeling that I want to do so much with my life and yet sit back and seem unmotivated and passionless.  As often I am when i am working, I focus much on the task at hand (in this case QVC) and tend to forget about the "goal" of the future.  Being that I will be hitting the milestone of 30 this year I reflect on the fact that I have not become all that I want to be and honestly say I never really pushed myself as hard as I should have and could have. 

     Today I read, 1 Cor. 9:24-27.
"Do you not know that in a race all runners compete, but only one receives the prize?  So run that you may obtain it.  Every athlete exercises self-control in all things.  They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.  So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air.  But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."

     So I begin to wonder what it is I am running for. What is it that I hope to achieve after running my race? Am I even running? Am I in the race at all?
   
    Well I know I'm in the race but am I moving closer to the goal or am I standing still?  Sure I am making money so that one day we can be settled down and have kids, buy a home, save for my kids college, retire, and all the joys that come with that.  But is there more beyond that? Is there something greater than just living for myself.  Inside I hope there is, I hope to be able to use my future earned money to accomplish great things.  I would love to get to a point where I finally have my degree, I'm working in a field I love (sorry QVC), and volenteering my time in a way that impacts my community and the Kingdom of God. 

     I suppose working many hours can seem like I am trying to run the race. Money seems to help you accomplish dreams faster.  I can't get my degree until I pay off my college and then student loans.  When I pursue a masters that too will also cost money. And while I am doing this loan payments I also have daily life to pay for.  Now I am not complaining in any way because I love working to get closer to the "goal" however I sometimes feel that at this point in my life I should be more accomplished than I am and can be viewed my many as a failure. I guess I may be too relaxed in my approach to life that I sometimes feel lazy. 

     That is all about to change.  I will finish books I start, I will pay off loans and get a better career, I will learn more about God and peoples views on religion, life, and such, I will RUN!!!  I try to be the best employee I can be, the best husband, even best listener. Now it is time I become best Christian, Man, and Runner I can be. I need to train, to study, to gain wisdom and knowledge, and master self-control.